Sue Moore offers some tongue-in-cheek Xmas advice and looks at gifts that you might rather not receive this Christmas…
THE TWO main sayings bandied about at this time of year are: “It’s better to give than receive” and “It’s the thought that counts”. But is it…. really?
Christmas is a gift minefield, luckily, here are some tips for giving and receiving as well as some little ‘gems’ you definitely wont want to see in your stocking this year.
Re-gifting – just don’t do it: I was comparing crap gift stories with a friend and mentioned a particularly useless pound shop gift I received from a mutual friend only for her to reply “You gave that to me” … Still cringing about that one.
Donald Trump wrapping paper: Guaranteed to lower the expectations of the gift inside. Available from zazzle.com
Socks: You know your childhood is at its end when you receive your first pair of socks for Christmas. From that year until death, presents will be practical and socks will be a mainstay of your present pile. Strike a passive aggressive blow with these “Worst Gift Ever” socks – wear constantly throughout December to hopefully get the point across. £6.99 from prezzybox.com
Secret Santa: It’s bad enough having to find gifts for people you actually like, but finding a gift for under a tenner for a ‘colleague’ you either don’t know or despise is taking the biscuit. Best Secret Santa story ever comes from ‘Lolinyerface’ on comedycentral.co.uk who said “My Secret Santa: Men’s hair gift package: Shampoo, Conditioner, Moisturiser. It was already opened and half used. And I’m bald.”
Edible Eyes: The ultimate gift for any smug vegetarian friends who try to put you off your juicy steak by declaring they “wont eat food with a face”. Decorate some fruit or veg with these ‘edible eyes’ and, if you can be bothered, chuck them in a paper bag for that ‘retro’ greengrocer look. £4.95 rubbishpresents.com
Retro Mobile Phone Handset: Speaking of retro, how about a Retro Mobile Phone Handset – a phone handset that plugs into your phone. My favourite description of this product is from marieclaire.com; ‘If a hipster answers his mobile via a retro phone attachment in the woods and there’s no one there to see it, is it still ironic?”‘ £11.99 findmeagift.com.
Why not complete the look with a hipster beard (for the less hirsute) £4.99 menkind.co.uk
If all this has got you channeling your ‘Inner Scrooge’, take comfort in the fact that it will all be over by Boxing Day. Then there will only be 364 shopping days left until next Christmas.